Get sexier
Most women will be considered attractive if they are skinny with long hair and clear skin. All three of those things are totally within your control
The most important thing you can do for your dating prospects is to get sexier. Men care about your looks far more than they should.
Believing that you’re pretty enough because you’re already quite pretty and plenty of men want to date you is a common pitfall I see women fall into again and again. I am always trying to set people up and the main reason it doesn’t happen is because the men don’t think the women are pretty enough. Alas, many of the shallow men are worth having.
If you get hotter, you’ll get a better man.
I owe a massive debt to this blog post. I would just tell you to go and read it but
It’s very long
It contains a lot of nsfw pictures
It’s focussed on getting sexier instead of capturing a husband and these are slightly different tasks
It will hurt your feelings. And I know I’ve spent most of these posts telling you you’re an old maid who should probably give up and settle for the dregs of society or whatever, but I hope that’s all useful and spurs you into action. We don’t need to know all the ways in which you’re genetically predisposed to fall short, you just need to know how to improve.
I’ve distilled here the best advice into a shorter, safe for work blogpost. But if you’re interested in things, then I really recommend it.
Men and women are different
Men and women have different tastes in female beauty. Beauty, fashion, and media aimed at women show a different ideal than those aimed at men. There are some commonalities – both men and women like symmetrical faces, clear skin, and not too much fat. But they have different preferences about curves, youthfulness and clothes.
In general, men like neotenous faces with curvy bodies. A lot of women look at the popularity of Belle Delphine et al’s schtick and think that the men who like her are pedophiles. But liking a cute, young face is part of normal, healthy heterosexuality provided it’s combined with a appreciation for a woman’s body.
It’s the same way Hugh Hefner probably didn’t put bunny ears on the playboy bunnies because he was secretly into bestiality.. The adult woman is a crucial part of the overall package.
This type cute faced, curvaceous body type isn’t very common in TV and film and her look is generally considered to be a sign of poor taste. (For example, in Denmark a buxom mermaid sculpture was removed for being too sexy and therefore unfeminist or something) But I see her all the time in adverts for sexy phone games, my main interaction with the world of male lust.
Body
First, and most importantly, don’t be fat. The medically recommended BMI range, for most body-types, includes weights that many men consider too fat to be sexy.
Losing weight is easy now. You can either starve yourself with willpower or you can starve yourself with chemical assistance. Unless you spend a lot of time at the gym, exercise probably won’t help very much. Currently I control my weight by eating about once a day. I personally enjoy the practice of self control and self monitoring. If dieting isn’t a hobby you enjoy, just go down to your local Novo Nordisk or Chinese peptide retailer and pick up some appetite suppressants. The side effects are limited and it will probably be the soundest financial investment you ever make.
If you’re able to control your weight, the next thing you should decide is what your ideal weight should be. The ideal waist to bust and waist to hip ratio is about 0.61. In measurements that’s about 39:24:39. Close to the measurements of this actress.
This is a very rare body to have naturally but you should try to find the weight at which you have the most extreme ratio. Cuvier than 0.61 is less popular but it is so rare in the real world that if your body can look like Kim Kardashian’s (waist to hip of about 0.55) then you should make it so.
Some people think that rich men like flat chested, narrow hipped women and only poor men like curves. There isn’t a good reason to think this is true, just a handful of bad papers that people really wanted to believe in. I asked my richest friend. He is worth several million, seems to be an adequate husband and father, and prefers implausibly massive tits.
I do find that urbane and sophisticated men like to claim that they are interested in facial beauty and they are largely unmoved by hourglass figures. But, speaking as a person whose cup size fluctuates substantially (D to F) with her menstrual cycle, the evidence suggests that they are not totally unmoved by curves.
So, you need to strike a careful balance. It is very easy to be too skinny or too fat.
How to find your ideal weight
Despite what I’ve said about large breasts, the most important element of being curvy is a small waist. So for most people, in order to find your ideal bust-to-waist-to-hip ratio, you should start by losing weight.
Log your weight, bust measurement (around the widest point), waist measurement, and hip measurement. Take your measurements at every half-kilogram or so until you find the weight at which you have the most extreme hourglass that nature will give you. Then maintain as close to that weight as you can manage.
Be careful not to lose too much weight. The weirdness of the modern world is that most women weigh more than their peak beauty but they aspire to weigh less than they should. Once you’ve realised that your weight is something you can control, do not overshoot it to fulfill the female beauty standard. You want to look like a pin up doll not a runway model.
Thighs and bellies are confusing. Men do have preferences here. The ideal is thick thighs, a thigh gap, a soft and almost-but-not-quite-flat stomach, no visible muscle, thin arms and visible collar bones. That’s too much information and your body probably can’t deliver all of those things at the same time. Just chase the hourglass and dismiss the rest as noise.
For some women the best weight may be quite low if you’re prone to gaining weight on your stomach or face. Others will gain mostly in their thighs and bum, which means a bit more fat will be optimal.
Exercise can help a little. Provided you have a little softness, you probably won’t develop visible muscle. Core and glutes exercises will make you more hourglass, so will some shoulder and back work outs. If you’re hoping to exercise your way to an hourglass figure, check out what the bodybuilding girls do for the bikini division. So long as you maintain a feminine body fat percentage, you’re in no danger of looking as grotesque as them.
Face
While people agree on general rankings of faces, there is a lot of disagreement about which faces are the most beautiful. For your body, I recommend everyone get as hourglass as they can, but for your face you should be happy with the face you’ve been given and learn to emphasise what’s striking about your own features.
Here is a collage of images that men sent in when asked for faces they found particularly attractive.
In general, women prefer faces that are much more angular and contoured than the typical male preference. Every other week there’s another celebrity who got her buccal fat removed and all the men on Twitter screech about how this proves that Hollywood hates them.
The first goal of face-maxxing should be improving your skin. The problem with skincare is that it’s a market of snake oil and lemons, so it’s very difficult to tell what’s going to actually improve your skin and what’s just an expensive chore. My rough heuristic is: if a doctor won’t prescribe it, it probably won’t stop you from getting spots. But lots of doctors will give you topical antibiotics if you’re a skilled navigator of bureaucracies.
For aging, the best medicine is prevention. Stay out of the sun and wear SPF every day. I’m skeptical that topical retinol can get through your skin barrier but, unless you’re pregnant, it’s basically harmless to try. What’s one pointless and expensive chore?
Two of my friends swear by Skin and Me which can get you topical antibiotics and prescription retinols without the trouble of going to the doctor. Referral code here.
If you already have wrinkles you should get Botox and maybe filler. Go to someone who does both and they can give you advice about what’s more suitable for your face. For my older readers, I’ve been quite impressed with current face lift technology.
After that, if you have wonky or discoloured teeth you should fix them. Don’t shy away from braces. Lots of men think they’re cute and then you’ll have straight teeth for life.
Maybe you should consider getting lip filler but I would proceed with caution. I’ve been counting, and I see way more cases of bad lip filler in public than lips that look like they need filler.
Makeup
You should wear makeup every day. Even though everyone will be able to tell that you’re wearing makeup, they will just assume you’re more attractive anyway. The internet is full of makeup tutorials. I don’t need to give you one.
My tip for lazy girls is that makeup shops will offer you a bridal makeup package where they teach you how to do a particular look. They will try to overdo it but you should use it as an opportunity to learn what products do what.
Remember that men like a face that’s soft and youthful.
Men say they like natural makeup. What they actually want is elegant, classy makeup.
Avoid heavily contoured looks. Angular faces and sharp cheek bones are for the female gaze and they can often look clownish in real life.
Don’t overpluck your eyebrows. You want them to look thick and natural. You might want to fill them in.
Some highlighter will give you a moist and dewy look
Lipstick, mascara, eyeliner and blush are all a safe bet.
Glasses
Ditch your glasses. I used to think that glasses were beauty-enhancing for most women because they increase the symmetry of your face and give the illusion of bigger eyes. But men seem to actually like looking at women’s faces. Unless you have very small eyes or a 1 in 100 level asymmetric face, you’re better off without.
If you need eye correction, the sexiest thing is to wear contacts most of the time and to save your glasses for when you’re reading. It adds variety and gives you a sexy extra look in private.
Hair
Most natural hair and eye colours are popular with men but blonde and red are the best. If you’re white and your hair is healthy, you should try either of these colours. If you’re not white, stick with your natural colour.
Length, gloss and thickness are more important than colour. There’s no shame in extensions, Olaplex and expensive shampoo if that’s what you need.
When you wear your hair up, make sure you pull some out to frame your face. You want to pull out more than you think and don’t just take it from the top by your forehead, also pull some from near your ears. This AI girl is a good example. (She also has good makeup)
For your body hair, while some guys like a bush, it’s safer to be hairless. The men who don’t like pubic hair really don’t like it while the men who like a bush don’t seem to feel strongly. By default, remove your pubic, leg and armpit hair and, if it’s visible, your arm and face hair too.
Beauty don’ts.
Here are some things that you shouldn’t do.
Do not remove your buccal fat. Women like cheekbones way more than men do.
Don’t get tattoos.
Don’t tan. It causes wrinkles and codes as common. Wear SPF every day and wear hats on sunny days. Tan lines are ugly in the same way tattoos are ugly.
Keep your nails short and natural looking. If you really want to paint your nails, go with a light pink. But, if you’re following all my advice, you should be too bored of primping to add a pointless primp. Definitely do not walk around with chipped nail polish or gel nails that have half grown off.
Don’t thin your eyebrows.
Don’t cut your hair short.
Don’t dye your hair an unnatural colour. My one exception is blonde. If you’re white, you can go blonder than is natural. And, if you’re of a race that wouldn’t usually be blonde, you can try it if you really want to. But proceed with caution. Blonde can be very taxing on your hair’s health.
Don’t get a breast reduction no matter how large and painful they are.
Plastic surgery
If you’re seriously considering plastic surgery, you’ll get the most out of boob job. It costs about the same amount as egg freezing. I’m not sure which increases your odds of having children more.
Across popular plastic surgeries, people report the highest long-term satisfaction with boob jobs (followed by other body-based alterations like abdominoplasty and liposuction) and the lowest satisfaction with nose jobs. This makes sense if men largely prefer one kind of body but lots of different faces.
I’m on the fence about recommending boob jobs but it’s probably one of the places where someone really serious about finding a husband can get some alpha and outcompete the casuals. If you’re willing to go that far, then you shouldn’t be too squeamish to read Dispelling Beauty Lies. Sanilac has a lot of advice on how to choose the right implant size for you.
I would like to emphasise four things before you go full steam ahead.
Don’t get a boob job until you’ve found and stuck with your ideal weight. What looks good on your frame will change depending on how much body fat you have. The meta study that finds that people are generally satisfied with boob jobs also finds that people with higher BMIs are overall less satisfied with plastic surgery.
Don’t get a small boob job. Bigger implants carry just as much risk as small ones. I think people get small boob jobs because they think you can fool people but most people, especially people interested in boobs — i.e. your target market — will notice.
If you get a boob job you are risking rupture, nipple insensitivity and problems breastfeeding. The odds aren’t high but they’re not so low you can dismiss them. About 1 in 20 women with breast augmentation will have some kind of problem. Do your research and find a good surgeon. Do not cheap out.
Don’t do something that will make you resent your future husband. If your baby has trouble latching because of your implant, will you blame him?
Getting sexier is the most important thing you can do for your husband hunt. Fortunately, you’re not a man. Men are stuck with the height God gave them and it’s the most important factor in their physical attractiveness.
Most women will be considered attractive if they are skinny with long hair and clear skin. All three of those things are totally within your control.
While men will say they like things to be natural, nine times out of ten they prefer unnatural results delivered in a classy way. It’s better to be a beautiful woman who needs GLP-1s, hair extensions and 37 beauty products than it is to be a mid low maintenance girlfriend.
Are you distinguishing between what men find physically attractive and the 'look' that a successful man wants in his wife?
The wives of professors, doctors, lawyers, etc, tend to be more in the mould of Taylor Swift than a Playboy-bunny (and are likely to be professors/doctors/lawyers themselves).
Great post, except it makes a classic mistake of thinking guys don't find Taylor Swift sexy. Trust me most guys are very definitely into Taylor Swift. If you don't believe me check out all the pervy Celebrity subreddits.